Musical acts I could never tell my mother I'm seeing

Les Breastfeeders*
Buckingham Phallus*
Butthole Surfers
The Buttless Chaps
Holy Fuck*
Lesbians on Ecstasy
Nashville Pussy
The New Pornographers*
Porno for Pyros
Shit La Merde
Swollen Members
Test Icicles

And of course, my friend M., a.k.a. DJ Sistertits.**

*I actually have seen these bands. Don’t tell my mom!
** Obviously I’ve seen M. a lot -- I just haven’t seen her deejay.

The reason I bring this up is that Les Breastfeeders was the first act at See Vous Play, a free concert put on by CBC Radio 3 (thank you, tax dollars) Sunday night. Les Breastfeeders were the unlikely combination of punk, yéyé (British/American-influenced French pop from the ‘60s), and a shirtless guy in a fur vest and tight polyester pants who danced frenetically on stage à la Keith Flint.

I like punk. I like ‘60s French pop. I'm not so keen on sweaty backup dancers. But I liked Les Breastfeeders enough to pick up Les matins de grands soirs from HMV yesterday at lunch. According to the liner notes, the backup dancer is a permanent member of the band. But the album still rocks.

This is indie music heresy, but I’m probably the only person in Toronto who doesn’t worship Emily Haines. She’s definitely talented, and has great stage presence, but I find her thin, childlike voice mismatched with Metric’s robust rawk ‘n’ roll. But I was curious to see her take the stage after Les Breastfeeders because I suspected that songs she’d written by herself would be more suited to her voice.

I'd been right; her slow, intimate, melancholy (i.e. damn depressing) ballads were more appropriate for her style of singing. She exhibited strong songwriting, and to my surprise, she was also a good pianist. (She chorded most of the time, but having played piano for years, I could tell. She’s got a deft, confident touch.)

The trouble was that, well, the set was a downer after the high-energy Breastfeeders, and anyone expecting her to blaze like she does for Metric would’ve been disappointed; she didn’t play up to the audience at all, choosing instead to stick to her keyboard as if it were a security blanket. The Kool Haus was also the wrong venue; much too large and cavernous, and between songs you could hear the chatter of everyone who wasn’t pressed up eagerly to the stage.

After Emily Haines finished, there was a mass exodus from the front rows -- just in time for the Francophone contingent who’d come to see Les Trois Accords to move in. The band also had a male backup dancer (perhaps a Quebecois thing?) but thankfully he kept his shirt on, and also provided backing vocals and played the best kazoo solo I’ve seen since...er...since gradeschool, most likely.

The band goofed off on stage, played solid rock ‘n’ roll that made me think of Green Day before they became political, and were generally appealing. I can see why they’ve sold 175,000 albums in Quebec alone. (If that sounds like a backhanded compliment, well, it kind of is.)

By the end of the night, only diehard Joel Plaskett Emergency fans and drunken louts (the two not being mutually exclusive) were left. You have to realize that each act played for about an hour each. We’d lined up outside the Kool Haus at 6:45, which meant by the time Joel came on we’d been standing there for over four hours.

Joel Plaskett is so tall and pale and cute and skinny that you want to give him a hug and make him a sandwich. In Victorian times he would’ve died of consumption as a child. But thanks to modern medicine, he rocked as usual. He performed the most awesome cover of ABBA’s “S.O.S.” during the encore. (When he announced it was time for a little ABBA, I totally thought he was joking.)

Anyway, you can listen to the performances and see photos of the show on the CBC Radio 3 website -- there are links in the sidebar to the different acts. Sadly, Joel Plaskett’s cover of “S.O.S.” isn’t included, so there's only a scrubby version on YouTube to prove that it exists.

Les Breastfeeders website (turn down your speakers, it's noisy at first)
Les Breastfeeders on MySpace
Emily Haines website
Emily Haines on MySpace
Les Trois Accords website
Joel Plaskett Emergency website
"S.O.S" on YouTube